You Know What’s Not Cool?

• Shooting an elderly nun dead cause you’re pissed off an old Catholic man reminded you of someone else who called you names 600 years ago.

• Spendind time building and burning effigies when you could spending that time teaching your kids not to hate others.

• Burning people’s places of worship to retaliate for words.

I mean, I can understand you guys might be angry, but which of you thought up the brilliant idea of smashing and burning things as a means to show the world the Pope was wrong about Islam being violent? Or maybe the point was that it was wrong of him to call attention to it?

You know, it’s like the dilemma of someone you don’t know that well having something on their face, let’s say a chunk of coleslaw. You want to mention it because it’s bothering you, but you don’t want to embarrass them or make them think you’ve been hung up on it the whole time. You’d almost rather they ended up in the washroom at some point and discovered it by themselves. Sure, they’d be embarrassed that it was on their face the whole time, but at least they won’t have anyone to blame but themselves.

But what if they come out of the washroom and it’s still there?

Well then somebody’s gotta say something…and you better hope to shit it’s not you.

Well, lots of Muslims have a big piece of coleslaw on their face. And they’ve had it for a very long time. And that coleslaw is an assload of anger, spawned from a religion that obviously has been interpreted in many drastically different and often problematic ways.

And ol’ Papa Ratzi calls ’em like he sees ’em.

Maybe what he said wasn’t nice to Islam, but you don’t see anybody smashing their TVs or burning the NBC building in New York over this.

It’s because most other religions appear to have grasped the concept of free speech. Hell, even radical 700-club watching Christians may only write a letter to their Congressman if they get offended, as a worst-case scenario. Free speech isn’t always gonna agree with you or your religion; it may even be downright offensive, but you listen and disagree peacefully. Or else people won’t take you seriously.

Who knows? Maybe it just feels good to burn an effigy. Maybe it’s like crack: if you try it once, you’re hooked. Shit, the non effigy-burning world could be missing out on the best experience in life. Still, I’ll never know what I’m missing, cause I don’t burn things when I get angry. I mean, one time my buddy and I burned a life-size cardboard stand-up of Regis Philbin we stole from Walmart, but we were quite happy at the time if I recall correctly.

So what now? Do we only say nice things about Islam, and maybe they’ll eventually feel so good about themselves the Middle East will burst with goodness, solve all its problems and become the new Ibiza (minus the alcohol)? A land of smiles, dancing and sunshine?

Or do we do this?

Whatever approach we choose, we can’t be afraid of expressing our opinions under the threat of violence.

And sorry, guys, but no: you can’t burn the Internet.

Movember

Where have I been? Why this absence?

Apart from a particularly occupied social life, what with the bachelor party/marriage of a best friend, I’ve been moonlighting at movember.ca helping a friend with a charitable project.

I know what you’re thinking: Nick? Charity?

And I understand completely. Sure, I might rather be ridiculing seniors or embarrassing crippled school children in footraces, but there is one power further reaching and more focused than either laziness or mischievousness (two traits I have in spades): it’s a little something known as peer pressure.

That’s right, my beloved readers. I was fooled into this by a crafty Ukrainian man named Stepan. No, not Stephan. Pay attention. Stepan. Step. You gotta really punch the “p”.

At any rate, he’s taking control of this Movember puppy in Toronto. Movember, which will take place this November, is a chance for men to celebrate the power and the glory of the moustache. The aim is to take pledges by growing a killer stache during the whole month of November. The money goes toward research for both prostate and testicular cancer–two illnesses that are all too treatable and preventable with the right knowledge.

Using humour and a fresh attitude, we hope to bring awareness to the many men who, as is their wont, shrug off medical prevention for more inelegant pursuits such as face-diving or backyard chicken sifting.

So check it out (a sleeker, better looking website will be up very soon), especially if you’re in the Toronto area. Participants can most definitely be male, but females are also invited to celebrate their solidarity–see the site. Everything caps off at the end of Movember with a huge, gaudy, monster bash celebrating every mustachioed hero from Magnum P.I. to Super Mario. There’s even a moustache-themed blog.

The blog is where I’ll also be writing. Here’s a sample of what you can expect. This little number is a snippet of Hamlet that I threw together with un-texted strips that I found courtesy of the forums over at Jay Pinkerton’s site. Enjoy.