Things My Brain Makes 7


  • A peanut is actually a “legume”, a “legume” is actually a vegetable, and a vegetable is actually a brain-dead person. You do the math. That means that every time you eat a Reese’s cup, you should be be feeling guilty for two reasons, one of which is cannibalism.
  • If your balls were actually two pieces of toast, you’d save time one morning. And then you’d be sterile.
  • I’ve never even finished a game of Monopoly before. I don’t know why, but it seems like no game I’ve ever been a part of has ever finished. Do you think there is a special part of the afterlife reserved for someone like me? If there is, I’m pretty sure it’ll be filled with kids from poor, non board-game playing nations…and Communists.

1 Response to “Things My Brain Makes 7”

  1. November 30, 2006 at 7:29 pm

    Dammit I love peanut butter.

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