21
Jul
06

Colour Inside the Lines! with Jocelyn Quim

Jocelyn QuimChildren, please take your seats. I shan’t be repeating myself twice. It has come to my attention that, while a good number of you are proficient in basic motor skills, an even larger number of you are constantly attempting to stray from the good Christian paths we have carved out for you.

Please, children, turn your eyes to Percy, for instance. Percy, would you please lift up the sheet that henceforth we will loosely refer to as your “drawing”? What’s it entitled? Oh, yes….”Me and My Family Under a Rainbow”. Dear Lord, Percy. Laaaaame.

As bored to tears as I’m sure we all are with the title alone, it is the artistic proficiency of the drawing itself that we shall be scrutinizing.

Now, when we’re critiquing a drawing, it’s important to–I…um…I’m sorry….is that brown in your rainbow, Percy? God Almighty, boy! Have you not heard of a little thing called ROY G. BIV? Wikipedia that shit, Percy. That’s right. No brown in there.

Let us now move on to more detailed criticism. Would that I could say that the following problem applies only to Percy, but sadly, this is emphatically not the case.

Colour inside the lines, children! Nothing separates honest Protestants from a pack of bedouin savages better that the ability to maintain clear, concise outside lines in one’s illustrations, however otherwise flawed they may be.

I suppose the first rule in becoming a proficient line-abiding colourist is not to be born the son of a shoepolish-huffing reprobate. Sorry Clarence; you’ll be behind from the get-go.

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1 Response to “Colour Inside the Lines! with Jocelyn Quim”


  1. July 24, 2006 at 2:57 pm

    Sounds like my old teachers calling me out on my artistic ability or lack there of.


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