Please, I am Being Serious; That Blind Man Stole My Sugar Twin

sight_cane.jpgHey! Did you just see that? No, just now, like, right just a second ago, right here. I know this may not mean much to you or anything, but I find it disquieting to say the least. Without a word of a lie, I tell you that that blind man just stole my Sugar Twin.

Perhaps the inability to see is coupled with an increased need for sugar or, in this case, calorie-free sugar substitutes. Maybe the sightless gentleman feels that, as someone deprived of sight, it is his privilege to waltz away with others’ beverage sweeteners (if a blind person can be said to waltz). Regardless of the reason, not a minute ago, that very man absconded with two packets of the aforementioned sweetener, hereby making him the boldest person I have ever come across, blind or sighted.

No, I won’t approach him about it, if that’s what you’re thinking, though I am well within my rights to do so. Much as I hate to admit it, by playing the “blind” card, he has already trumped any efforts I might make to discredit him, particularly in the eyes of the liberal caffeine-whores that surround us, my friend. After all, I, with my intact retinas, could easily “see” my way to the counter and acquire another duo of packets myself, could I not?

I suppose I will have to remain satisfied in the knowledge that both he and I are aware what transpired here, and I could easily protest his actions–but I won’t. No, while he benefits from expedient table service because of his disability (not to mention a delightfully sweetened beverage), I will remain here, stoically sipping my bitter tea with dignity, never for one minute visibly bemoaning my loss.

Look at him now.

Striding out of here with his perfect posture and sharp-looking walking stick like nothing happened. Look at him, while I consume this acrid, unsweetened swill. Enjoy your day, sir!

Yes, enjoy your walk down the street, in the darkness of your own mind, appreciating scents and sounds that mere “lookies” like me are no doubt oblivious to. Yes, feel the sugars warm your bowels while decent folk stand up for what’s decent–

Uh, hey man, you wanna just lean over and snatch me two things of Equal from the empty table one over?


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