18
May
06

Classified.

The scene of the crime.Yesterday, I'm pleased to say, I did some business in the Parliament buldings, here in our Nation's Capital. I can't say too much, for national security reasons, but I had the opportunity to organize a special reception in the Senate area.

All went smoothly, except we ran out of punch glasses, and, at one point, I was forced to roam the Centre Block's hallways and steal some styrofoam cups from a coffee machine, because the lady at the Parliamentary Restaurant wouldn't help me.

If the ease with which one is able to abscond with juice receptacles from the house of our nation's government is any indication of the success of the current administration, I'd say we're all swimming around in one big shit-heap of trouble.

That's right; you heard me.

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3 Responses to “Classified.”


  1. May 18, 2006 at 5:00 pm

    Well then, I am very afraid. Thank you for advising us, it’s most noble of you.

  2. 2 Joe Citizen
    May 19, 2006 at 2:26 am

    Spend a few more days in Parliament to discover just how lax it is. I spent every day of a month making regular off-hour visits to the West Block (albeit the worst of the blocks, known as a kind of hell for MPs who step out of line or might step out of line. Ken Dryden has his office there. So does Preston Manning. And all the women. Hence, it is the least guarded because we’d be doing the powers of a favour by taking it out. Plus it has no air condition. But I digress.)

    On the first day, they woudln’t let me drive on the hill. The second day, I could drive in after confirming with the supervisor and checking under my car for bombs. By the 5th day, it didn’t even matter that I wasn’t on the list. Two weeks into it, guards were giving me keys to the rooms rather than escorting me. For the last two weeks, I was drunk.

    In China there is a joke about Canadians: three Chinese go to Canada’s nuclear reactor and find it guarded by two old men and an old woman doing her knitting.

    Did you know that under General Mao humor was abolished in favour of veiled threats?

  3. May 19, 2006 at 9:34 am

    Hey Joe, thanks for the delightful anecdotes. I’d like to welcome you to the proceedings aorund here. Introduce yourself around. I’m sure you’ll find it fruitful.

    The parliament guards posted by the outer fence (making sure no unauthorized cars come up) are really a blast, and disgruntled. I guess they would rather be within the posh interior than bracing teh wind and rain. But once you’re past those guys, everyone else is a real treat.

    To be honest, the first time I walked in, I literally strolled past the x-ray and metal detector check, not realizing I was supposed to stop, as it was put off to the side, and did not actually block one’s passage, like at an airport.

    I’ll be going back in a few weeks for an identical event, and I hope to discover more of the bowels of our country.


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