Pamela Anderson at the Juno Awards

Expect the ratings for this year’s Juno Awards to climb.

In a move widely being regarded by the Canadian community as “bold”, the Juno Awards have chosen the buxom Ms. Anderson as their host. Representing the core Canadian values of “smily” and “warm-blooded”, Pamela is expected to bring in droves of adolescent boys, who would normally be decapitating pigeons and huffing liquid eraser on a Sunday night.

“This is huge for us,” says Chris Topping, manager of public events for the Canadian Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences (CARAS).

“I mean, let’s face it, most of our fiercely Canadian female singers just aren’t much to look at. Alanis Morisette, Sarah McLachlan, don’t even get me started on Jann Arden,” added Topping. “Sure, we’ve got Shania, who’s a looker, but we’ve already used her, plus we don’t want to be pegged as a loser country because of her pop/country hybrid music. We’re in lame enough waters as it is.”

Pamela AndersonWhen asked about the event, Anderson (pictured topless at left) claimed that she is extremely honoured to be able to showcase her remarkably ample bosom in yet another venue, particularly one so patriotically affiliated.

“Sure, I’m all tits and breathless vocality, but Sunday night, Canada’s gonna know that this lady is proud to be affiliated with maple syrup and beaver[s].”

Critics of CARAS’ and CTV’s choice of Ms. Anderson as host claim that Pamela Anderson stands in stark contrast to Canada’s history of dedication to women’s rights and gender sensitivity, but CTV is quite clear that they are as focused on promoting a healthy and natural image of women as ever.

“The station’s dedicated to giving young watchers a healthy and natural view of womanhood,” commented Bob Hurst, president of CTV news.

“I mean, we invited Rita McNeil back this year. She’s natural enough for twenty broads.”


2 Responses to “Pamela Anderson at the Juno Awards”

  1. April 4, 2006 at 11:05 am

    dude please my eyes hurt

  2. August 28, 2013 at 8:30 am

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