31
Jan
06

The Vagina Chronologues

vagina“Boy, is it great to pee! Pee! Pee! Anywhere’s fine! As long as it’s smelly and wet! Don’t worry about cleaning it up; I’ll just pee some more in a minute!”

“Peeing’s not that cool anymore. Well, maybe sometimes. I’m more into being kept in discreet cotton panties. If you try to look at me, you go to jail.”

“I’ve decided to grow my hair out. I figure it’s time for a change.”

“This morning I vomited blood, and it was difficult to cover up. I am both shocked and appalled.”

“I thought the vomiting went away, but it was all just an illusion. I’m worried I may have come down with something. Probably just a 24-hour flu.”

“Nope. Not a 24 hour flu. But I’ll tell you something weird if you promise not to laugh…they stuck something cottony in me…and it wasn’t that bad. I don’t know. Just saying. ”

“I feel sort of strange these days, like as if there’s a void inside me needing to be filled. Also, things are kind of smelly and wet again. Meh, go fig.”

“Holy shit…is it hot in here or what? Goddamn, talk about sweating like a mofo. Anyway, not much else is going o–uh…what’s that huge fleshy thing? Is it–does that thing think it’s coming in here?…EXCUSE ME! Shit, it’s not stopping. Well, bring it on. oooh. shit *ungh* that’s kind of tight. But geeeeeeeeez, *hoo*! Whatthe—ooooooooooo, fuck! Jesus Christ! Holy nutsack, i’m dripping like a loofah over here! EEEEEEEEEE-ha! Oh, c’mon, pump that shit, hot rod! Hey, easy boy…*choke* *mmmmfffff*. Hwut thm fmck hmmmpnned?!”

“Oh, man, I’m totally into getting shit stuffed into me hard these days. It’s probably just a phase or something.”

“Well, I haven’t had the puking in a while. That’s pretty decent. I figure things are gonna get a whole lot more comfortable from here on out.”

“Yep, it’s been quite a while since I had the blood vomit. I’d say months, even. And, let me tell you, it’s been a sweet ride. Nothing could possibly go wro—AAAAAAAAARRRRGH! Aaah! Lord of the Almighty! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! *huff* *huff* AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!”

“Ok, veeery funny, everybody. Sure, sure, laugh it up… Let’s see how you like it getting your face stretched like a pizza pie. Eat shit, you assholes.”

“Well, I’m bored these days. Nooooothing exciting ever happens over here. You know what, though? The puking started up again. Can’t win ’em all, I guess. Meh. I don’t even care that much any more.”

“Puking stopped again. I got a bit of a dry throat these days. Sore too. Not much moisture going on down there. I’ll probably just go to sleep early tonight.”

“Boy, is it great to pee! Pee! Pee! Anywhere’s fine! As long as it’s smelly and wet! Don’t worry about cleaning it up; I’ll just pee some more in a minute!”

THE END

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3 Responses to “The Vagina Chronologues”


  1. February 1, 2006 at 1:29 am

    I don’t know if I’m comfortable with you personifying a vagina like that.

  2. February 1, 2006 at 2:06 pm

    Well, a vagina personifies you, doesn’t it? It’s time we responded in kind…


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