23
Jan
06

Things My Brain Makes 3

  • Brain Let’s say robots do rise up and overthrow mankind. I figure we’d still come out pretty sweetly. Being infinitely more efficient than us, they would still logically want to do all the work, as their central logic and efficiency matrix would never allow creatures of flesh and bone to do the tasks that a machine can perform much faster, and without need for rest. Robots using humans as slaves would be like us hiring monkeys to build our skyscrapers. Also, I’m sure robots would get into their own heirarchical troubles. You’re telling me a coffee machine’s gonna get as much repect as one of those dancing bipedal robots? It’ll be a whole new type of racism. Toasters marching together for equality, Furby genocides, and sexbots fighting for “same-port” marriage. Meanwhile, we’ll be sitting back and playing all the Xbox we want, as they will be reproducing spontaneously and easily capturable.
  • I think I would prefer seeing primates as professional athletes. Chimps, already possessing an intellect comparable to that of any pro athlete, could easily learn the rules of basketball or soccer with the right incentive. And you know an ape would be able to slam-dunk the pants off of anybody out there right now. Most importantly, you wouldn’t have to pay them millions of dollars to play, and imagine some of the end-zone dances you’d get! Go, Chicago Silverbacks! Shit, man, apes rule.
  • If the diminutive Napoleon 1) hadn’t died of stomach cancer, 2) at the same time, discovered some secret herb giving him prolonged longevity, and 3) survived until the 20th century, I think the first thing he would realize in modern times is that he could successfully go trick-or-treating as himself.
  • If they invented a TV that could watch you instead of you watching it, you’d probably rush home every night so that it wouldn’t miss its favourite show: the 6:30 showing of you, lying on the couch, crying to a Sinead O’Connor album.
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1 Response to “Things My Brain Makes 3”


  1. 1 win now
    December 19, 2008 at 3:47 pm

    This is one super duper site


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